Running From Grace

When I first started dancing, I always admired the girls who could do the extreme pole tricks. Their agility was truly admirable and I never thought I would ever have the strength to keep up with them. Until now. It took me years but now I can confidently say I am one of those girls that can defy gravity. It all started with a move I tried on a spinning pole, a move that involved hooking my right leg around the pole and falling forward. For the first few months, I couldn’t do this without the help of my arms. Slowly and steadily I began to let go. The first time I did it with only my leg touching the pole, I felt absolutely amazing. Like I had accomplished an amazing feat. And the secret to my success wasn’t added muscle nor was it increased flexibility. It was sweat. That’s right… sweat. Apparently a little moisture on your skin helps out tremendously when you are learning how to do tricks. I had no idea this worked! Eventually, I did this move so many times that a callous began to develop on the back of my knee and now I can do the spin no matter what temperature my body is. If stripping were a “real job”, I would be getting a bonus for this!

So sweat is trick number one. The second trick I learned is to wear boots. No matter how easy a girl makes it look, climbing the pole is incredibly difficult. It is smooth, slippery, and alot of them tend to spin very very fast. Having upper body strength is key but you can take the easy way out like me and cover your calves with patent leather. This gives your arms a break when you are climbing because the boots stick to the pole, allowing your lower body to do some of the work as well. The pole at my club is huge and I love climbing all the way to the top. When I get up there, I swing my legs forward, catch with my dilapidated, calloused right knee, and spin all the way to the floor upside down and hands free. It looks HOT. And it fucking hurts. I am probably doing irrevocable damage to my leg but that’s what vitamins are for. Also, don’t forget to tip if you see a really cool trick. For most girls, it takes lots of practice to get that good and it always feels nice to know your hard work is appreciated.

I am debating on having one of the dancers take pictures of me doing some tricks.

1) I was going up the stairs to the dressing room when a girl I have worked with atleast 50 times introduced herself to me and asked my name. Lesson learned: If a dancer has no clue who you are even after you have talked to her a dozen times, don’t take it personal.

2) It was early on a Monday night and three customers were comfortably seated near the stage. A single man and a couple. Most dancers would assess this situation and go sit with the single man because essentially there is a better chance of getting money out of him. This is exactly what Mona, one of the club’s top hustlers, did. The club’s other top hustler (me), arrived late to the situation because I was screwing around with my iphone in the locker room. I felt stupid for not being on the floor when he came in but I soon got called to stage so I just went ahead and did my thing. As I danced, I noticed the couple was watching me very intently and by the time my second song was over, they had covered me in one dollar bills. I bet I could get a dance out of them, I thought. When I approached their table they told me over and over again how much they loved my show and they were really interesting in getting some private time with me. Low and behold, the three of us ended up in the VIP room doing a very steamy half hour dance. Mona sat with the single guy for hours and ended up getting NOTHING out of him. Lesson learned: Do not underestimate how horny couples can be.

3) A normal Tuesday night. I was relaxing along the back bar when two well dressed men came into the club and took a seat in the far right corner. I approached one of them and we started talking about the normal bullshit. Where are you from? What do you do? Blah blah blah. Come to find out, I was sitting with a very wealthy lawyer who happened to be happily engaged and not a big fan of strip clubs. Apparently his friend dragged him there. I was about to head elsewhere when he told me to stay with him and just drink a glass of wine. He then added that he understands how dancers work and that he would pay me for my time. A half hour later, I had an extra $300 in my garter. Lesson learned: Some men actually do get it.

4) So I am trying to get a new apartment and I am not sure if I got the job I interviewed for. Actually, it’s more like I’m not sure if I even want the job I interviewed for but I tried to get it anyways because I felt I had to. The lady who showed me this apartment has been e-mailing me and asking me if I heard anything. I guess that in order to sign the lease, I need to have a letter from an employer saying I am actually employed. I told her I had heard nothing. I then decided to be honest and tell her that if I didn’t get this particular job, I wouldn’t be out of luck because I have experience with dancing and I would probably do that until I got a “real job”. No response… going on about two days now. Lesson learned: Until you prove otherwise, you are a judgmental asshole.

Gemini was one of the top dancers at the club. She had a tight body, long, voluminous hair, and a set of enhanced breasts that practically broke the necks of every man in a fifty foot radius of her. Not only was she easy on the eyes, but she also put on one hell of a stage show. This girl could climb faster than a God damn Navy Seal and as soon as she reached the top of the pole, she floated down to the ground with such grace and precision that you couldn’t help but wonder if she was really human. I have chatted with Gemini here and there and she was nothing but sweet to me, always smiling and cracking jokes. An all round fantastic dancer. One night, I was relaxing with a customer after an extended amount of time in the VIP room when it was her turn on stage. He and I watched as she moved, so fluid and exotic. Sensual and hypnotizing. She was truly a sight to behold but it wouldn‘t be too long before gravity had its revenge. About half way through her second song, Gemini stumbled on her seven inch heels and lost her footing. She crashed to her knees, quickly recovering with some floor work, eventually turning to the crowd and giving a rather guilty smile. She had lived through every dancer’s worst nightmare and handled it in the most perfect way possible. Turn the tumble into some kind of floor move and acknowledge the blooper with a good attitude. I mentioned this to the customer I was sitting with and he had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently she had hidden the mistake so well he hadn’t even noticed.

As an exotic dancer, you put yourself out there more than most people. Not only are you naked in front of a room full of strangers, but you are constantly exposed to scrutiny, judgment, and the chance of making an ass out of yourself on stage. I always preach about keeping your mind above all the lesser, mis-informed, self righteous dick heads out there, but what do you do when something completely humiliating happens? Something that doesn’t involve mental strength? The following situations may or may not have happened to me in my dancing career and not only are they meant to be learned from, but you should also understand that dancers are human. No matter how beautiful we are, no matter how well we dance, no matter how many times you swear you see wings coming out of our shoulders blades, we are not perfect. Real close, but not perfect.

What to do if…

you botch a pole trick.

Answer: Similar to a stumble, turn it into something completely different and send a look into the crowd that says, “I fucked up but I am still hot.” This should only be done under extreme circumstances, like if you completely fell off or hit your head on the floor. If you get “stuck” and end up awkwardly releasing from a trick, just keep moving like it didn’t happen. Guys do not notice stuff like that.

you get your period on stage.

Answer: Yeah yeah real gross, right? The truth is, girls dance during that annoying week all the time. All you have to do is take a tampon, cut the string, and you are good to go. Unfortunately, there is always the chance of bleeding through, which can be completely mortifying. If you are dancing while on your period, always wear a dark colored thong and clothing to match. In the event that you feel it happening and are not able to leave the stage, keep your legs closed and just do simple movements. Don’t do any extreme dollar tricks.

you get stuck trying to take off a piece of clothing.

Answer: Laugh it off. If you notice anyone is looking directly at you, send them a smile and an exasperated look, as if taking off clothes is the hardest thing in the world. If someone is near the stage, ask them to help you (if club rules permit). Any guy in their right mind would love to untangle the knot in your bikini top so he can see you topless. Eventually you will be able to get through it but it might take a little longer than expected. People will wait.

some loser attempts to ruin your life by sticking his/her nose where it doesn’t belong.

Answer: Keep writing.

Everyone wants to be the cool kid on the block. At a young age, people begin to discern what is “in” and what is “out” and by the time you reach adulthood, you are so jaded by popular culture that you practically become a robot. Like this music. Drink that drink. Wear that color. And we follow blindly, completely comfortable in a world where we are told what lifestyle is ideal and how to interact with the people around us. I remember in high school, I was always infatuated with the beautiful, popular girls. I found myself observing their antics, wondering what made them special and what made me rather ordinary. I concluded it was the sports. It seemed these goddesses were always on some kind of team and I was the girl that played in the band and wrote books. Basically I was never destined to be cool. At age 15, this is devastating. At 26, I find myself wondering why I ever gave a shit about those pretty girls. According to facebook, most of them are married and popping out kids, living ordinary lives with their ordinary husbands. They are following the path that is intended for the typical person in their mid twenties and this is considered “cool”. I beg to differ. The need to be with the in crowd is not only widespread throughout society, but it happens at a much smaller level as well. Like in strip clubs. In order to be the cool dancer, you have to possess certain traits that make you fun to be around yet non-threatening. Finding this tender balance between the two can be difficult, but not impossible. I’ve seen it done many times.

The cool dancer…

drinks. She usually starts the night off with shots of Goldschlager and can be seen wandering around with beer bottles and mixed drinks for the remainder of her shift. She never becomes a sloppy drunk, but does have a tendency to either get really friendly or really angry when she’s had a few too many.

smokes. The smoking area is where most of the socialization happens between dancers, aside from the dressing room. The cool dancer is out there once an hour bitching about customers and life in general with whoever will listen.

does pole tricks. She most likely has been dancing for years so pole work is a skill she has sufficiently honed. From one legged holds to mind blowing spins, she has the ability to turn every head when she begins to climb.

has some kind of typical stripper issue. Single mom. Abusive boyfriend. Drug addiction. Promiscuity. But never all at the same time.

makes good money. But not great money. The cool dancer relates to all the girls because she does do dances, but she also tends to socialize and sit with a customer longer than needed. Because of this, she is not a direct threat to anyone’s money.

has bitched out atleast one other dancer. She almost always butts head with another girl for some reason and this usually leads to a verbal (sometimes physical) fight. This is usually done in front of other dancers so that the cool dancer can establish her role as the bad ass. As soon as this intimidation is set in, respect is earned and no one dares to piss her off again.

So I was uncool in high school and I have managed to keep it going into my exotic dancing career. I don’t drink at work. Cigarettes gross me out. I don’t do complex pole tricks. I have no typical stripper issues. I make great money. And I would never get in anyone’s face unless certain extreme circumstances were met. Also, I play video games, I actually like Britney Spears, and crossword puzzles rock my world. Although none of these things are considered cool, my opinion of what is cool is being true to yourself. So what if I can’t do an upside down split on the pole? So what if I can kick everyone’s ass in Mario Kart? I am happy to be me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have been a writer my entire life. It is safe to assume that no matter where I go, no matter who I meet, I find inspiration in everything. The strip club is no exception to this. I observe what is around me and I try to interpret the deeper meaning behind what I see. Popular society tells us that dancers are fuck ups. Losers. Good-for-nothing sluts. And because following what every one else thinks is the safe thing to do, people blindly support this fact and immediately assume there is no deeper meaning to a girl who takes her clothes off for money. This is very wrong. Fellow “degenerates”, get ready for a TG theory that would probably make a licensed psychologist roll his/her eyes. The most inner layer of a person involves the morals, or the system of ethics which is unique to each person. Some girls can’t even get naked in front of their own boyfriend much less an entire crowd of strangers. I am thankful to be capable of both. The next layer is the self esteem, which has to be strong in order to endure the pain inflicted by the outside world. It is hard, like an egg, but can be cracked if the correct pressure is applied. This is the reason people make bad decisions… their morals leak and they become hollow inside. They just stop caring. On top of self esteem, there is the layer in which love, hate, and all of the emotions thrive. This is a very active area of someone’s mind, with many ups and downs and twists and turns. It is very honest, but gets filtered through the fourth layer, which is our invisible screen. This layer weeds out what is worth the trouble and what isn’t. The meaningless, stupid aspects of life are too big to slip through, like waiting longer than normal at a red light or overpaying at a restaurant. Sure they get your attention when they bounce off your defenses, but it’s nothing compared to the real issues in life. Getting married. A DWI. Receiving a thoughtful gift. These things slip right through the barrier and begin reeking havoc on your emotions to the point where they are purged in the form of tears, laughter, complete bullshit, etc.. Is there anyone out there who is truly honest with him or herself? Probably not. I make an attempt to be as true as possible, but I often find myself full of doubt. This doubt is something I never display on my most outer level, or how I present myself to the world. Dancers are so fixated on looks and with good reason. Strip clubs are a celebration of female beauty and if you aren’t attractive on the outside, you are going to have trouble being successful. This is also true for the most beautiful girls. They get so caught up with being hot that the slightest rejection from any person blows their screen into a thousand pieces. This leads to feelings of vulnerability that are very dangerous to the psyche. To combat this, I picture the words of every person stuck in a big blob of green jello. Compliments. Insults. Negativity. All of it is incapable of influencing my bottom layers and that is how I have survived the strip club world for so long. I do not let it consume me. Of course I also push away most people who attempt to get close to me, but that is not entirely because of this green jello thing. People have seriously disappointed me in the past and I have trouble with forgiveness. Anger has been overwhelming my emotions lately and it’s about time I got rid of it. Crying doesn’t work. Neither does punching stuff or venting to a friend. I am able to weaken the emotion, however, by writing. When I am putting words together, nothing about the world is ugly. In fact, it is truly breathtaking. I guess this is my way of saying I will never, ever stop writing. I can write about whatever I want whenever I want and the more people I piss off, the stronger I become. Bring it on, assholes.

A gentleman’s club is a playground for the eyes. From the beautiful dancers to a rowdy group of drunk guys having a push up competition, there is always something to look at. Alot of girls I know hate going on stage because it is too intimidating for them. Too many eyes. I fucking love it. Anytime I am up there and I see a man staring at me, I always send a smile in his direction. He almost always returns the gaze. When it is dead in the club, alot of the dancers find themselves bored and they sit in the seats in the back of the room. Their eyes begin to take in all of their surroundings. Is that girl in the VIP room again? Will that guy get another dance from me? What did she just say to him? Because there is pressure to make money (see post entitled “tip out”) girls tend to let their sense of sight get the best of them. For example, at the club I work at now, there is one dancer, Violet, who believes she should be the only one doing dances. A hustler extraordinaire, she approaches guys within seconds of them entering the club and soon has them following her into the private dance area. She is very good at her job. Last night, I nailed an hour long VIP dance with a CEO early on and by the time I returned to the floor, Violet had just gotten to work. She made sure to congratulate me and she then asked all sorts of details about the dance. Did he pay with cash? Is he from around here? Did he tip? She was using me to size up his worth in order to get him the second time around. So not only is she good at her job, but she is greedy as well. Also, her eyes were on me the entire time. If she had gotten in a little bit earlier, it could’ve been her going back with him instead of me. I’m sure this fact ate her up inside. This kind of jealous behavior can be seen across the board when it comes to dancers. Sometimes they do what Violet did and give a half-hearted “congratulations” before sizing up the man and determining if he is worth pursuing in the future. I would almost rather have this than the opposite, which would be the envious dancer scrutinizing your every move and trying to make you look as bad as possible. This can be done by her spreading rumors, writing nasty comments online, telling the boss lies about you, etc.. It is a more cowardly way to handle the green-eyed monster. I often times feel a touch of jealously when I see another girl doing well, but I would never act on it in a negative way. Instead, I keep my eyes on the men and pretend the other girls are part of the background. I can only hope they treat me with the same respect. Of course this behavior has been learned over the years. For a large portion of my dancing career, I was so adamant about being #1 that it made me unnecessarily angry when some other dancer did better than me. I’ve gotten my wandering eyes in control. It is just so easy to be selfish when you work in an environment where you control how much money you make. The other girls feel it and I do too. I guess it is just the nature of the job and it seems so much worse in the slow season (January and Feburary). So in saying all of this, I look forward to having better nights. I look forward to warmer weather and more peaceful co-workers. I look forward.

Last night, no more than 20 customers came in the club from 7:00 pm to 3:00 am. I talked to a guy from Poland, and then there were some flooring specialists from a neighboring state, and following them was a group of Indian guys who were only interested in sex. It was rough out there. I spent a considerable amount of time staring at the barren floor and wondering, “Where the hell is everyone?” A few people assured me that the summer time is so much better and I guess I just have to wait it out. In the mean time, it is like fighting to keep your head above water. The club takes a considerable amount of your money before you even get out on the floor and that alone is enough motivation to get you working. But what if there are no customers to work? It can be a very frustrating ordeal. Like I said before, I have worked at five clubs in the past and the amount they take varies greatly. Here are some examples.

Club #1
Location: middle of no where
Time: night shift
Amenities: none
Dance prices: $30 for a single song, $60 for a set of three
Tip out: They take $10 off the single dance, $20 off the set of three, and 10% of your total earnings.

Club #2
Location: city
Time: night shift
Amenties: house mom, bouncers, DJ, cook, massage therapist
Dance prices: $30 for a single dance, $200 for 15 minute VIP, $350 for 30 minute VIP, and $600 for full hour VIP
Tip out: They take $5 off the single dance, $80 off the 15 minute VIP, $100 off the 30 minute VIP, and $200 off the hour. House starts at $40.00 if you arrive at 7:00 and goes up by ten dollars every hour after. House mom and DJ is $40. They take 15% of your total earnings.

Club #3
Location: suburbs, near airport
Time: day shift
Amenities: DJ, cook
Dance prices: $25 for a single song, $140 for a half hour champagne room
Tip out: They take $5 off the single dance and $40 off of the champagne room. House starts at $15 if you arrive by noon. It goes up by $10 every hour after. DJ is $10.

So basically if you have more money potential, they take more. Also, having a DJ, house mom, and a floor staff ups your tip out because they make the experience more comfortable for the customers and the employees. I think, as a dancer, it is important to take care of these people. For example, if the DJ goes out of his way to find a song you like, throw him an extra tip. If a waitress lets you know that a customer is interested in a VIP and you score the dance, give her a little something. I have always been a believer in karma and I think that if you are good to people, people will be good to you. Right now, karma owes me some peace of mind and I am debating hiring a hitman to get it to pay up. I just need some customers first…