Running From Grace

I am going to take a break from RFG. At the moment, my head and my heart are not in my writing and I am having trouble keeping up with the blog. I will leave the site up for anyone who wants to comment. Hopefully I feel better soon.

When I first started dancing, I always admired the girls who could do the extreme pole tricks. Their agility was truly admirable and I never thought I would ever have the strength to keep up with them. Until now. It took me years but now I can confidently say I am one of those girls that can defy gravity. It all started with a move I tried on a spinning pole, a move that involved hooking my right leg around the pole and falling forward. For the first few months, I couldn’t do this without the help of my arms. Slowly and steadily I began to let go. The first time I did it with only my leg touching the pole, I felt absolutely amazing. Like I had accomplished an amazing feat. And the secret to my success wasn’t added muscle nor was it increased flexibility. It was sweat. That’s right… sweat. Apparently a little moisture on your skin helps out tremendously when you are learning how to do tricks. I had no idea this worked! Eventually, I did this move so many times that a callous began to develop on the back of my knee and now I can do the spin no matter what temperature my body is. If stripping were a “real job”, I would be getting a bonus for this!

So sweat is trick number one. The second trick I learned is to wear boots. No matter how easy a girl makes it look, climbing the pole is incredibly difficult. It is smooth, slippery, and alot of them tend to spin very very fast. Having upper body strength is key but you can take the easy way out like me and cover your calves with patent leather. This gives your arms a break when you are climbing because the boots stick to the pole, allowing your lower body to do some of the work as well. The pole at my club is huge and I love climbing all the way to the top. When I get up there, I swing my legs forward, catch with my dilapidated, calloused right knee, and spin all the way to the floor upside down and hands free. It looks HOT. And it fucking hurts. I am probably doing irrevocable damage to my leg but that’s what vitamins are for. Also, don’t forget to tip if you see a really cool trick. For most girls, it takes lots of practice to get that good and it always feels nice to know your hard work is appreciated.

I am debating on having one of the dancers take pictures of me doing some tricks.

Lately, it’s been hard for me to find the words. I used to dream up blog ideas while standing in line at the grocery store. While walking along the beach. Topics would hit me in the shower, in planes, during long drives to who knows where. And how I have lost this passion is beyond me. Perhaps I have run out of ideas to write about. I don’t think so. And then there is the fact that this blog was used to rip apart my entire family. That’s more like it. Either way, there is a huge wound on my heart that will not heal. A lot of people cope by relying on close friends to get them through the tough times. My friends don’t even know the real me. There are others that have fun, interesting hobbies to keep them distracted through the rough patches. My hobbies are writing and dancing. I often wonder why I was given this hand and whether or not I regret laying down certain cards. Was this blog worth the complete disconnection from those I love most? Is the money I make worth the secrets and the lies? Life is all about taking what you are given and making the most of it. I firmly believe that I do this each and every day, despite the fact that I work in a strip club. I stay above the drugs. The drama. The self esteem issues. And it turns out my writing, not my stripping job, is what ended up hurting me in the end. Now there is some fucking irony. When most kids were playing with dolls and toy cars, I was playing with words. Creating stories. Getting lost in worlds that were so much more peaceful than my own. How can I possibly regret this wonderful gift I was given? The answer is I don’t. Life is a gamble. There are times when you are up and times when you are down. There are times when the house takes you for all you are worth and you are left broken and alone. But the point is to stay in the game. At casinos, this is point you need to call a gambling addiction hotline. In life, this is the point you begin to fly.

Also on my mind today…

I am moving next month. Moving is an enormous pain in the ass.

I am visiting Europe for the first time ever next month. Italy, to be exact. Anyone out there have any tips for me? I take dollars and advice.

I am adding a new member to my family next month. Just FYI, my family consists of me and my cat. Stay tuned!

Next month is going to be intense.

At the moment, I am far away from the state I call “home”. I like this very much. Sure I miss my cat and my apartment, but nothing beats a random vacation for no reason at all. Oh and work… I miss work too. The night before I left, I watched a girl named “Artemis” audition at our club. She was tall, a little thicker, and was lacking any rhythm whatsoever. It was kind of hard to watch. My manager, who is supposed to give the final yay or nay, was hardly even watching her as she danced, more engrossed in the baseball game on the big screen than the half naked girl underneath the neon lights. As she maneuvered around the stage, a dancer I was sitting with, who goes by the name Gina, stated aloud what we all were thinking. That girl can not dance. Gina then began to nitpick at every little thing, like how Artemis was moving too fast or doing really odd floor work. It began to annoy me how mean she was being. The courage and confidence required to get up on that stage and put yourself out there is tremendous. How could a dancer possibly be so judgmental towards another dancer when they face the same demons? I didn’t participate in the conversation and I kept my opinion to myself. Not everyone is meant for the stage. To my surprise, Artemis returned to the floor after she audition and sat among us. Apparently her dancing was good enough. Then, one of the bouncers approached me and asked me to do something I have not done in a long time. He wanted to know if I could train her. Back in the old days when I worked in a popular clothing store, I was always the one asked to get the new people accustomed to the sales floor. I demonstrated how to up-sell. I showed them how to put outfits together. I taught them different lines to use to get people to open up credit cards. And the weird thing was, I had an absolute blast doing it. It was the most satisfying feeling to see my “students” succeed and go on to become great sales people. So you can imagine I was more than happy to sacrifice some money (there were already customers seated) and show this girl how to kick ass. We took a tour of the lap dance area, talked about different ways to get guys to buy dances, and practiced on one of the poles for a little bit. She eventually told me it was her first time in a club EVER and the information I gave her was incredibly helpful. All I could think of was that I wish I had someone to teach me when I first started out. But then again, I took to stripping the way normal people take to sports or music. I was a natural. Artemis ended up doing well that night. No VIP time but lots of dances. As for Gina, she has this move where she lays on the floor, props up her ass with her hands, and flails her legs from side to side. It looks completely ridiculous. As usual, I kept my opinion to myself but that evening, I watched a customer almost fall out of his chair laughing when she did it. Artemis had never been on a pole before. What’s your excuse, Gina?