life is a gamble
Lately, it’s been hard for me to find the words. I used to dream up blog ideas while standing in line at the grocery store. While walking along the beach. Topics would hit me in the shower, in planes, during long drives to who knows where. And how I have lost this passion is beyond me. Perhaps I have run out of ideas to write about. I don’t think so. And then there is the fact that this blog was used to rip apart my entire family. That’s more like it. Either way, there is a huge wound on my heart that will not heal. A lot of people cope by relying on close friends to get them through the tough times. My friends don’t even know the real me. There are others that have fun, interesting hobbies to keep them distracted through the rough patches. My hobbies are writing and dancing. I often wonder why I was given this hand and whether or not I regret laying down certain cards. Was this blog worth the complete disconnection from those I love most? Is the money I make worth the secrets and the lies? Life is all about taking what you are given and making the most of it. I firmly believe that I do this each and every day, despite the fact that I work in a strip club. I stay above the drugs. The drama. The self esteem issues. And it turns out my writing, not my stripping job, is what ended up hurting me in the end. Now there is some fucking irony. When most kids were playing with dolls and toy cars, I was playing with words. Creating stories. Getting lost in worlds that were so much more peaceful than my own. How can I possibly regret this wonderful gift I was given? The answer is I don’t. Life is a gamble. There are times when you are up and times when you are down. There are times when the house takes you for all you are worth and you are left broken and alone. But the point is to stay in the game. At casinos, this is point you need to call a gambling addiction hotline. In life, this is the point you begin to fly.
Also on my mind today…
I am moving next month. Moving is an enormous pain in the ass.
I am visiting Europe for the first time ever next month. Italy, to be exact. Anyone out there have any tips for me? I take dollars and advice.
I am adding a new member to my family next month. Just FYI, my family consists of me and my cat. Stay tuned!
Next month is going to be intense.
May 5th, 2010 at 3:18 am
Two tips, 1)Don’t bet on the horses and 2) Don’t drink the water in Italy! Seriously, hang in there cause life is one big gamble and you won’t know for years if you won or not.
May 5th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Wow – a lot of info in not so many words. Writers get more miles per word than the rest of us. I practically need three lines just to say good morning (no wise cracks please).
The web site wasn’t the cause of the pain you’ve been through. The Judas simply used it as his tool. Now the tool is back in your hands. Every time you post, you show the Judas that he may have stung you but he didn’t (and couldn’t) stop you. Healing takes time but with each post you make, the ones who love you know that you’re hanging in there. That’s so very valuable to them right now. Sometimes the hurt gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better. And those that love you will regret the time they chose to be estranged.
Italy! Cool! I’ve been to Milan and Rome. Rome was beautiful and is dominated by the Vatican and Christianity. Even those who aren’t religious are impressed by the imagery of it. So much history, art and culture. You can spend days and not see everything. Milan of course is the fashion capitol of the world. Not as much to see there but it’s still beautiful and when I was there, I learned what nice clothes looked like. Food in Italy was incredible. Dinners were 2-3 hour affairs and the evenings revolve around them. My colleague and I went to dinner alone the first evening and I kept wondering, “why is everything taking so long?” and “why do they keep giving me these little plates of food – why don’t they just bring everything at once?”. But dinners are multiple course affairs and the Italians treat food as art.
Moving? You really are packing a lot into one month. A new addition to the family? Well, if neither you nor the kitty is pregnant, I’m not sure what this could be.
Wait a minute…..just the other day I was joking that you could adopt me. Maybe it’s gonna happen? OMG!!!! OMG!!!! Ok, let’s get the ground rules straight. I need my own litter box. I’m not sharing the kitty’s litter box. It’s probably too small for me anyway. Or you could stable me somewhere close. All you have to do is feed and water me and put me back in the barn at night. I have a ton to do. I have to pack. I have to sell all my stuff. And I have to call my boss and tell him “take this job and shove it!”
I’m so excited
. I’m calling my boss right now!
Dan
May 5th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Damn girl, how much do you want to cram into a month….going to Italy, moving (which always sucks) getting a new addition to the family. Why not save something for next month?? hahahha
Cram as much living into life as possible because you never know when it’s going to end!
May 6th, 2010 at 10:09 am
FYI – In the news was Elin Woods (Tiger current , Future Ex?? Wife)
went to a male strip club and even went to the VIP.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
“went to a male strip club and even went to the VIP.”
I wonder what most women would want in this situation. Most women aren’t stimulated visually like guys are. I guess some are though or there wouldn’t be magazines like Playgirl. Maybe I’ve got it wrong but if I were a male dancer taking a lady to VIP, there wouldn’t be much touching/contact but I’d try to say things that would make her feel beautiful.
Come to think of it, that’s what I like doing during my VIP visits. And it’s worth every penny when she makes me feel like I’m the only guy in the world.
Dan
May 6th, 2010 at 10:07 pm
Dan when a womens wants to be sexual they are worse then men,
at the Male Strip Club’s the scene an be much wilder then our Strip Clubs,
just to Party Hard Core dot.com or some other site with male strippers,
some of these places they are having sex with the Women
Ive know a few Male Strippers and the biggest perk of the Job is Hooking up and having sex with various women they find attractive , (The opposite of the Tara Rule – no sex with the Customer)
Kind of Like a Rock Star, or Professional Athelet – They have their “Groupies”
( some women with sexual appetites can seperate sex better then some men –
i.e. Sex is for Fun, not falling in Love)
May 7th, 2010 at 2:57 am
Terranova –
“women with sexual appetites can seperate sex better then some men –
i.e. Sex is for Fun, not falling in Love”
Good point. A lot of women have strong sex drives but most tend to indulge that within the bounds of a romantic relationship. Some are able to enjoy sex for fun – without a relationship – but I think guys are more likely to want (and do) this. We had an interesting discussion not long ago about the double standard that exists about this. Why should society think it’s ok for guys to have casual sex but not women? That’s not very fair to women.
I don’t doubt availability of partners is a perk of the job, I just think a female dancer would find more willing candidates than a male dancer. I’ve never checked but I don’t know of a male strip club around here. I did hear about a gay strip club though. I wonder if they’d have both male and female dancers.
Dan
May 7th, 2010 at 10:47 am
“I don’t doubt availability of partners is a perk of the job, I just think a female dancer would find more willing candidates than a male dancer.”
Dan true but my point was most female dancers are just there for the money
and not sleeping with customers, (as Tara pointed out in her rules)
while male Strippers if making enough money enjoy the hooking up part of the Job even more.
and Dan you are correct there are not that many dedicted male strip clubs for Women, maybe one – two in NYC, but what many Night Clubs have is one or two Nights a wek before the Club opens
is the Male Dancers from say 6 – 10 or something like that.
Just look at Tiger – the Perks of being a Celbertity and having a Billion Dollars doesnt hurt either.
Id be eating at the Waffle house but there are none up here in NJ – a few of Tigers babes worked at the Waffle House.
May 7th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
“most female dancers are just there for the money and not sleeping with customers, (as Tara pointed out in her rules)”
Yes, I agree. I was just pointing out that women (especially beautiful women) have more opportunity. The male dancers probably look to hook up whenever they can. They have looks, which certainly helps but the women still control sex.
A lot of guys probably envy Tiger’s position – money, women throwing themselves at him, etc. but now the tables have turned and the situation has Tiger by the tail (pun intended).
Dan